Mallet of Metal
(c) 2009 by Lewis D'Aubin

Mallet of Metal mp3

In the year 1987 A.D.
The powers of a magic book
Sent three travellers
Men of Willowdale Subdivision
Back to a dark era of magic, monsters, and sorcery
And this is their tale...

Long ago in
An ancient time
Three adventurers
Were sent to find
A shining weapon
Heavy strong and hard
They sent a warrior
A cleric, and a bard
to find the

Mallet of metal x 6

Into the dungeons
They did go
To seek the treasure that was
Hidden far below
So many perils
They would face
To claim the magical
Plus three enchanted mace
they call the

Mallet of metal x 6

Bring the Metal Mallet forth and not the one of wood (Mallet)
Boring biting blighting bludgeon bring the bitter blood (Metal)
Take the Magic Mallet now and see what it can do (Metal Mallet)
Bludgeon blight and beat and bite and break your foes in two

And long would the poets fight
For the right to write
about the fight that night
and the creatures they did smite
beneath the eerie green light

As the dragon's burning breath
Enveloped the stony room
The bard began to sing of his own certain doom
The cleric had to pray, for he knew the end was nigh
The fighter raised his sword, and charged and shouted, "DIE!"

Mallet of metal x 3

The bard has perished
The cleric died
The warrior remained
Aloud he cried
I have the mallet!
He held it in the air
He doffed his helmet
And shook out his long hair
It was the...

Mullet of metal x 6

Bring the shampoo, product and the hairbrush made of wood (Mullet)
Wash and blow and brush and comb and tease the hair up good (Metal)
Bring the Metal Mallet forth and not the one of wood (Metal Mullet)
Boring biting blighting bludgeon bring the bitter blood

Congratulations. You now have the +3 mallet, and 1,500 experience points. The rest of you - please roll new characters. (Awww man!)

I had threatened to write this song back in late 2007 while attempting to put together a metal supergroup called 'Yngwie Flattstein's Hair Force'. Sadly (?) that group never coalesced, but the idea for this song remained, until spring of 2008, when the words and music popped into my head while I was driving down Earhart Expressway on the way to a funeral. I quickly dialed my office number and recorded the idea into my phone answering machine, then called Chris Flattmann over and we fleshed out the rest of the song over the following week (Chris in particular came up with the part of the bridge heard under the 2nd stanza of the middle narration.)

This song is basically a tribute to my ill-spent fantasy role-playing youth, to overwrought fantasy 'power metal' bands such as Rhapsody, and to the fact that the words in the title make an effective palindrome to anyone with really poor spelling skills.

The song was essentially finished when Matt Brunson (of the band 'Kingdom of Sorrow') stepped in to contribute a really dazzling guitar solo. For the coup de grace, I called up my friend Charlie Matkin, of the New Orleans Opera, to contribute a basso reading of the intro, bridge, and outro narration.

'Mallet of Metal' was featured on the Funny Music Project site on 7/24/09.

Drums...........Lewis D'Aubin
Guitars.........Ed Merilh
Bass............Jim Fairchild
First solo......Matt Brunson
Second solo.....Chris Flattmann
Lead vocal......Lewis D'Aubin
Narration.......Charlie Matkin
Recorded and mixed July 2009 at C.O.G. Secret Lab, Harahan LA