‘Bow 2 the C.O.G.!’ How the Consortium of Genius saved my life…
Current mood: Imperious
Category: Imperious Music
Chances are, you weren't there to drink from the wellspring of life itself on Friday night at the Howling Wolf, when the Consortium of Genius got up and got down with their insidious world-domination through amoral science rock show.
I know because I was one of the thirty or so folks fortunate enough to submit to the best show ever performed in the universe, and you weren't there.
Here's what you missed:
- Dr. Milo T. Pinkerton III retiring and reinstating himself as the malevolent global dominator of Earth and leader of the Consortium of Genius via a brain transplant/sex change operation
- The 'Scientific American Idol' contest juried by an ill-tempered alien, an enticing trollop, and a narcissistic metalhead guitar soloist
- Fuckin' Drum-Bot, dude
- A flawlessly talented and hot fairy vocalist, and her sultry fairy chorus line + drunken leprechaun
- Dr. Wilhelm Shatler's hilarious spoof of William Shatner's unsettling vocalist style (except Shatler can actually sing on key)
- Android Woman's sex-bot triumph as Dr. Pinkerton's replacement as the leader of C.O.G.
- Dr. Z's infectiously fun/key video 'Funky Fresh'
- The best digitally-sequenced custom video and light effects you'll see for a paltry $7 admission fee
- The most unapologetically adolescent and gleefully geeky videos ever created
- Seeing the Consortium of Genius split the Earth in twain with lasers
- An army of armless mummies trying to thwart Dr. Pinkerton's evil plan by mouthing off
- Lots of other shit you'll have to go see for yourself at the next C.O.G. show
Note the use of the word 'show' above. Clearly, C.O.G. fulfills the meaning of the word in the fullest sense possible. Everyone onstage is not only in costume; they're in character, all night. There's an on-going story, with a twisted plot, unfolding through the live songs and refreshingly-ambitious pre-recorded videos. The music is raucous and irreverent, and fun to listen to as the video and light show dazzles your eyz. Sexy lab assistants in short white lab coats. Science. Technology. World domination. Everything you could ever expect from the term 'rock show.'
I would've had a couple extra pairs of eyeballs surgically-implanted into my face before going to see C.O.G. if I'd had any idea that there could be so much cool shit happening at the Howling Wolf's sad new venue that night. I'm sure I missed at least 80% of what was going on simply because I couldn't take my eyes off of Drum-Bot.
What is 'Drum-Bot?' Imagine a classically-sci-fi triple-eyed animated robot on a curved monitor sitting behind a complete onstage drum kit, slamming out rockin' beats with impeccable timing. Now imagine that it's one million times cooler than the image in your head, and you'll have some small sense of appreciation for what it's like to watch Drum-Bot kick ass.
Maybe now you're starting to get the picture. C.O.G. is not just four or five guys standing around playing a set of songs. C.O.G. delivers epic theatrical spectacle. In other words, C.O.G. is everything your soul has been crying for since the first moment you coughed mucous and gasped your first breath. In fact, C.O.G. is that fresh breath of air you traversed the birth canal for in the first place.
Clearly, the Lord of Darkness doesn't want you to see C.O.G., because it was the most undersold show in the history of the human species. I suspect their promoter was shanghaied by The Beast Himself, or else you would've heard about this majestic stage event. I'm looking into it.
And I'll be writing to Drum-Bot to find out when the next Consortium of Genius onstage apocalypse will occur, which hopefully won't be too far off, because a local band this good deserves millions of loyal minions, and you deserve C.O.G.
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