Presenting the official Science Party candidate, Dr. Milo T. Pinkerton III CLICK HERE TO HEAR DR. PINKERTON'S OFFICIAL CAM-PAIN ANTHEM UPCOMING CAM-PAIN STOPS: July 31, 9pm - Banks St. Bar, New Orleans, LA Aug 6, 10pm - Vinyl Music Hall, Pensacola, FL September 24, 9pm - Twist of Lime, Metairie, LA October 23, 9pm - The House of Shock, Jefferson, LA November 10, 9pm - Houston Arcade Expo, Houston, TX  You are doubtless dismayed by the dismal choices you currently have as candidates for President of the United States.
COG-gratulations, you are not alone! Millions of people are scratching their craniums just as vigorously. Who can you trust? Who is smart enough to blast this country into a great new era of greatness? Who will defend YOU against the twin threats of extraterrestrials and time travelers? Surely, not either of THESE two idiots!Of course, you have many questions. Fortunately, Dr. Pinkerton's brains are filled with answers. In his twenty years as the most qualified Mad Scientist on the entire planet, Dr. Pinkerton's quest to become the smartest man on Earth has led him to hidden knowledge, difficult choices, and something that no other candidate has - a secondary brain grafted to the top of his skull, giving Dr. Milo T. Pinkerton literally TWICE the brainpower of any human on Earth. Other candidates appeal to your emotions - admittedly USEFUL emotions like 'fear' and 'hatred'. As the official Science Party candidate, Dr. Pinkerton offers another option - hyper-rationality. Pinkerton's frontal lobes offer the promise of pure judgment, uncluttered by the false 'loyalties' that the other candidates are beholden to. With Pinkerton, you get all science, all the time! While the other candidates pledge to do things like 'increase the minimum wage' or install decorative border fences, Dr. Pinkerton pledges to do three things the other candidates CANNOT do: GIVE YOU MORE TIME. ELIMINATE DEATH. MAKE AMERICA SMART. ...Because if you're not smarting now, you will be - and that promise is guaranteed, because the future is MINE. Paid for by evil geniuses in favor of electing Dr. Pinkerton dictator for life. |